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HUGEHandyman's avatar
HUGEHandyman
Jobber Ambassador
12 days ago

Working with spouse? What do you do if the company was MINE before is was OURS

Fortunately my wife doesn't check this board haha I'm curious how people manage working with your spouse.

I made this company before I met my wife and she started helping a few years ago before we got married because she was unemployed and I could use the help. I started her on payroll, then she started doing some more of the day to day stuff. Thankfully she does not have the same entrepreneurial drive I have but it makes it hard giving her deliverables, things we need done that would be done by the person doing her job.

For those of you who work with your spouse, have you found yourself in this position? Obviously talking about it with them is the answer but how have you approached it?

7 Replies

  • Structure protects the marriage. Clarity protects the business.

    I see it as our business, but that does not mean we both run everything. Ownership is shared. Responsibility is defined. What helped us was getting very clear on roles. If I hired someone else to do her job, what would I expect from them? What would they be accountable for? That became the standard. Clear SOPs. Clear KPIs. Clear deliverables. Not in a harsh way, just so expectations are not vague. I do not believe two CEOs works. Someone has to make the final call. That does not make the other voice less valuable. I try to genuinely listen to her ideas and think them through together. A lot of good decisions come from that discussion. At the end of the day, every idea goes back to our core directives. For me, one of those is simple. If it is not better for our customers or our employees, we do not do it. That keeps decisions objective and keeps emotions from running the business.

     

  • I am an extremely hands on guy, don't mind working in the cold or heat, don't mind being dirty or tired, crawling on roofs or under decks. My wife is the exact opposite. Nails done, hair done, screams at an ant, has to always be warm and cozy... She has a fulltime career and I use her in a contractual way doing some admin stuff for me after work. Entering receipts, ordering supplies, calling clients to schedule follow-ups...the things that can be done in a nice warm home while I am out crawling around in the mud. I absolutely hate computer work and those mundane details of the business.

    The way we approached it was that she can do things a lot better than me, and I can do things better than her (I obviously left out the end part there when talking to her about it!) She knows she is helping me out a lot and she is happy for that. I think if there is work to be done and your spouse can do it without issue, then why not have them on the payroll! Keep that money in your home.

    • JondyL's avatar
      JondyL
      Contributor 2

      We area husband and wife team. Same situation - it was his before it was ours. We run the business together. You said she doesn't have the same entrepreneurial drive, which is a good thing. I would turn that on its head... your combined effort is what drives household income, right? Her having a drive to deliver will increase revenue, something that benefits you both. Side by side revenue comparisons of before and after she came into the business will illustrate whether the job she is doing in that role is effective. Including her as a business decision maker may influence her behavior on the job - food for thought. Until very recently, we had an admin who did customer contact - phones, emails, texts, social media pings. It didn't work out as the business evolved because the business ground work I laid out in a job description/business practices plan. In that  description, it outlined deliverables, timelines, expectations. She left. Now I'm doing it all and that job description has informed me of company goals/practices. 

      Since you don't have an outside person, include her in formulating a job description (as though you were going to hire someone else), and ask her about timing/deliverables. For example, customer calls -- how should they be logged, what is our target response time, what is the quote/invoice/follow up procedure. Form a blueprint of the business and scale it from ideal to minimum (e.g., Ideal: every phone call will be answered personally. Minimum: all calls will be answered within 24 hours).  In this exercise, take personalities out and form roles and responsibilities for the business - not for you and her, for your company. 

      In our company, he is “the boss” in the field and I am “the boss” of the office. He has the final word and responsibility about what happens in the field and I have the final word and responsibility about what happens in the office. It's about roles and responsibilities. If you have timelines and deliverables mapped out, you will each know how you are or not living up to your agreed upon goals for the company. 

       It’s always a work in progress, and there's a lot here. It has taken a lot of effort on my part, and we leaned into the Michael Gerber model of running a business, and not have the business run you.  We also have parameters - once the laptop is closed and the table is set for dinner, we don’t talk about work. We have breakfast out once a week and talk about the business only. Not day to day stuff - more this is what went well this past week and this is what needs work, where are we with long term goals, etc. 

      My advice to you? Sit down and talk about how the two of you want to run the business. Figure out who is  suited to do what and what is the expected timeline. Keep coming back to process and procedures. I can't emphasize this enough: Process and procedures - formulated together and documented. Emphasis on the team, and how WE are going to make $$ together.  Set a revenue goals and a vacation to be paid for with some of that increased revenue = working toward a common goal. The company's success is also her success, and that only really works if she is involved in the blueprint - what is going to be done by when. Works for us. Best of luck!

    • JHTS's avatar
      JHTS
      Contributor 3

      My husband had his own engineering business before we go together.  I worked shifts at the time and on my days off i would go in and help with the admin side of things.  I had worked in administration since leaving school, so it came naturally to me.

      Once I started helping, the business really began to grow.  It freed him up to focus on the engineering work rather than paperwork and organisation, which made a huge difference.

      Years later, after children came along, I started my own business and he joined me.  He brought his practical skills and i brought mine.  It also meant that when the children needed more of our time, one of us was always able to step back slightly and keep the business running smoothly.

      We've since sold our business and I've returned to administration - this time as the first admin employee for a friend of my sons (I have known him since they were at school together).  There was no clearly defined role when I started; it has evolved naturally over the past two years.  We communicate openly, he explains what he needs and i produce it.  I can offer advice based on many years of experience and hes willing to listen and learn.  That mutual respect makes it work.

      What I have learned is this: staying calm under pressure and talking things through is essential.  Work out what needs doing and who is best placed to do it.  Dont try to do each others job - trust each others strengths.  Leave work at work and dont let it spill unnecessarily into family life.

      I have never had a rigid job description - my role has simply evolved over time as the business has grown.  ultimately you are all working towards the same goal

  • roselvaggio's avatar
    roselvaggio
    Jobber Ambassador

    I'll be honest-- I didn't even know what systems were when I met my husband, but I had my business and I was losing my mind. Dinner dates would turn into venting sessions and they were apart of our regular day-to-day. While he hasn't worked IN the business, his marketing firm has helped me work ON the business. There have been times where he's provided unsolicited advice, and conversations needed to be had regarding boundaries and separating the business from our personal lives (as best we can).

    While this response isn't specific to your situation, the theme is similar- difficult conversations must be had as though they're our employees even when they're not. (As a former therapist, I highly recommend "I" statements so the key points fall back on you and your experience). Good luck!

  • FredHodgeJr's avatar
    FredHodgeJr
    Jobber Ambassador

    I built the business for 10 years on my own before my wife joined after we got married and had our first baby. That transition taught me a lot.

    The biggest lesson was this: if you are going to work with your spouse, you have to be intentional. It cannot be casual. It cannot be assumed. It has to be structured.

    First, we had to clearly define roles and play to our strengths. Not what we felt like doing. Not what was convenient. What we were actually wired for. When each person stays in their lane, there is less friction and more momentum.

    Second, boundaries are everything. Business conversations cannot bleed into every dinner, car ride, or bedtime routine. We had to decide when we were owners and when we were husband and wife. Without that separation, the business will consume the relationship.

    Third, clarity beats emotion. We learned to be extremely clear on expectations, ownership of tasks, and decision rights. Who owns this? When is it due? What does done look like? Ambiguity creates tension. Deadlines create alignment.

    And lastly, communicate directly and respectfully. No passive comments. No scorekeeping. If something is not working, address it quickly and professionally, just like you would with any other partner.

    Working with your spouse can be one of the greatest advantages you have. But only if you treat it like a real partnership with structure, accountability, and mutual respect.

    Hope that helps.

  • BlueSkies's avatar
    BlueSkies
    Contributor 3

    Havent read the replys yet. will read and update if needed.

    in short, you need to have different hats on. yes family gets the benefit of the doubt. and thats the problem. without knowing exactly what her KRAs are and job description. when at work, you need to wear the CEO hat and she wears whatver her hat is. if she wasn't your wife how would this go. (she needs to have this as well). AND when not at work YOU HAVE TO TAKE THOSE HATS OFF AND BE HUSBAND AND WIFE.  at work you would cuss someone out who is an employee (i hope) so you cant do that to her. basically treat her as if she isn't your wife. Harder than it may seem. But thats what has to happen. 

    Create a proper job description a proper role and her responsibilites. Give goals and have follow up meetings regularly. and escalate if needed. 

    • this needs done by x date.
    • follow up on progress
    • if done great if not discuss why and create plan
    • repeat with new plan.
    • if pattern is showing this isn't working. harder conversations
    • hey if this continues we may need to see about hiring another person. i don't want to do that as that would require lowering pay on your end as we would need to pay the other person to do the job. but the deliverables HAVE to be done. as if they are not getting done that will effect our bottom line
    • continue to escalate. basically she shouldn't be surprised when you ask her to step out of the business.

    all that to be said. an honest conversation needs to happen. Does she actually want to be a part of the buisness. does she know her role. have YOU properly set her up for success, and set proper expectations. The plan needs to be set out with goals to track. And consequences for success and failure to meet said goals. 

    practically speaking (again i don't know her exact role) but if those deliverables actually got achomplished...how much more could you do. how much growth could happen. would customers be happier leading to more sales therefore more money. basically yes she is "helping" but is that help actually costing you more money than if she wasn't and you paid someone else to do that job. And by doing that, could you actaully pay yourself more by taking a better profit, because you had more revenue? is she wasn't your wife, this conversation would be different as you probably would have let her go a long time ago. 

    but family gets a bit more grace. after all you stay in the same house. so lead with curiosity. be open. ASK A TON OF QUESTIONS. she might nor realize the reality of it all, she may hate the place, or thinks she is doing a great job.

    Lead that entire conversation as an apology. "hey i have **bleep** up. and now we have to have a conversation. i havn't told you any of this, and thats my fault but here are the problems happening. i pictured you doing xyz...i didn't lay that out properly. how do you want to go forward."